Snowflakes
by Kaesteranya
Summary: Suikoden II. Remembering Odessa. [Flik and McDohl. Something of a song fic.]


    This fic's going to be a pseudo-songfic, based on another fic called "Snow Fall" (expertly written by Salah, webmaster of Rainy Nights). It's going to feature the lyrics from a song called Winter by Tori Amos. This fanfic will only have yaoish hints to people with incredibly sick minds.  
  
  
  


**snowflakes**

  
  
  
    It was hard to believe that the same young man who Flik found sitting alone at the battlements really was McDohl, the little boy turned rebel leader that he had come to know of through Odessa years ago. 

    McDohl was staring out into the horizons upon the lonely battlements of Vorpalik Castle, his expression unreadable as he let the cool winter winds caress his face. The snow fall was light that afternoon, and McDohl appeared to be watching the snowflakes drift down like faerie dust upon the land. His weapon--a long, black staff crafted of the strongest, sturdiest wood--lay propped up beside him, and the ends of his bandanna fluttered faintly in the light breeze. So deep in thought was he that he apparently did not notice Flik's silent approach from behind. 

    To say the least, Flik was amazed at the change he saw in McDohl. The youth had always been a quiet kid, especially after seeing the horrors of war and feeling the loss it brought about to the people fighting in it. The face he had seen had grown older, wiser. The eyes were quiet, aged before their time, and their gaze held a little too long for comfort. 

    Syujinkou had been happy to have another ally, and McDohl and Gremio had been glad to have been able to offer their services. From what Flik could see, McDohl and Jinkou had become instant friends in only three days of travelling. Was it because they could both feel each other's pain? McDohl had lost Ted in the past; Jinkou had recently lost Jowy, and was now fighting against him. The two had apparently come across a unique understanding of each other, if that was the case... 

    Flik didn't know McDohl as well as Odessa had known the youth… he had known, but he had not completely understood. Odessa seemed to understand everyone, really… Flik remembered how she had always talked about how different McDohl was from people, how he posessed a strength capable of leading nations, capable of fulfilling other people's dreams. 

    _Just like Jinkou, I suppose,_ Flik mused, leaning against the archway, never taking his eyes away from McDohl. _Maybe I helped Jinkou out that time back then because he reminded me of McDohl._ He could almost see Odessa standing beside McDohl now, enjoying the contemplative silence she could gain from simply being there with the youth. 

    The blue-eyed mercenary wryly shook his head, smiling a sad little smile. _Can't pass through a single day without thinking about you, huh, Odessa?_ breathing a soundless sigh, he glanced up at the gray sky and its frozen tears. _If only you were here now..._

    "You've been there for a while, haven't you?" inquired a subdued voice, interuppting Flik's suddenly dark thoughts. Flik looked up to find McDohl's quiet eyes upon him. After a long, silent moment the youth turned back to the snowflakes on the horizon. 

    A grin slipped across Flik's face like a mask as the mercenary moved to join the youth. "Your skills are as sharp as ever, McDohl. You never cease to impress me." 

    A wan smile touched McDohl's youthful features. "I guess I'm not the rookie you met years ago, huh, Flik?" 

    "Far from it. Jinkou will need that type of strength on his side." 

    "Yeah..." 

    The two fighters fell to watching the snowflakes drifting down in silence. The faint tinkling of children's laughter reached their ears like the echoes of a distant dream; if one of them looked down, they would have seen a pig-tailed girl named Yuzu and the other small children in the castle frollicking in the growing drifts of snow. Past the echoes of laughter was the voice of an angel... a voice only Flik seemed to hear.   
  


_snow can wait, I forgot my mittens  
wipe my nose, get my new boots on  
I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter  
I put my hand in my father's glove..._

  
  
    "You know what's strange, Flik?" said McDohl softly, breaking the crystalline silence. "During wintertime, I always find myself thinking of Odessa." he chuckled a little, slowly swinging his legs back and forth. Something in his darkly luminous eyes had saddened. "Funny, huh?"   
  


_I run off where the drifts get deeper  
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown  
I hear a voice: "You must learn to stand up  
for yourself, 'cause I can't always be around."_

  
  
  
    Flik didn't know how to respond. Winter reminded him of Odessa too… it reminded him of everything. The struggles, the pains, the effort... the sacrifice. 

    "She never pushed me to come and join up with the rebel faction," McDohl went on, his voice dropping almost to a whisper. "She just waited for my decision wordlessly, smiling that patient smile of hers, always ready for a friendly conversation... I really admired her. Maybe I couldn't understand what she was really doing and who she was really fighting for at the time, but now that I do..." he trailed off for a moment. "Her memory deserves to be honored. If she was here, she could help Jinkou out alot." 

    "Yeah," Flik whispered, overwhelmed by the sudden flashflood of memories that drowned him with a vengeance. Her smile still burned on his mind, never to be erased... "Yeah, she would have." 

    McDohl glanced at Flik without a word, seeming to understand Flik's tragedy anew. "She always asked me to decide what I was fighting for," he said, almost matter-of-factly. "She said that I had to have an answer... not because people demanded one, but because sooner or later my heart would. And if I didn't have one when the question came, all would be lost." 

    "That's just like her," said Flik fondly, wistfully. "Always asking questions." he leaned against the battlements looking up at the sky once again. His tears, like the snowflakes, had long since frozen over. "She asked me something too."   
  


_"When you gonna make up your mind?  
"When you going to love me as much as I do?  
"When you gonna make up your mind?  
"'Cause things are going to change so fast.  
"All the white horses are still in bed..."  
_

  
  
    "What did she ask you?" McDohl inquired quietly, turning his gaze back to Flik. 

    Flik didn't seem to notice his presence anymore, or at least not completely; the memories clouded the rest of the world away. All that remained was her quiet smile, her haunting voice, her secret tears... "She always asked what I was fighting for, when I was going to find meaning in my life, when I was going to start understanding what I was fighting for." he paused, almost unable to go on. "She always asked when I was going to make up my mind."   
  


_I'll tell you that "I'll always want you near.  
"You say that things change...  
"My dear."_

  
  
  
    "Like you, I didn't understand her at the time," Flik went on, feeling himself drift away towards the memories that he had sought to forget for so long. "I didn't understand what she was asking me for. I didn't understand what I had to make my mind up for, what I was really doing with my life.   
  


_Mirror, mirror, where's the Crystal Palace?  
But I only can see myself  
Skating around the truth of who I am  
But I know that the ice is getting thin..._

  
  
  
    "She always told me that things would change, and that if I didn't make up my mind I wouldn't know what to do." _What are you going to do, Flik, when I am gone?_ "She didn't understand that I fought for her, and even if she did she didn't want to. I sincerely believed that without her, everything would collapse... so she couldn't die. She WOULDN'T die. She had everything--the words, the connections, the belief, the spirit. I had nothing. I felt as though she was trying to make something of me that I was not by asking that one simple question...   
  


_"When you gonna make up your mind?  
"When you gonna love you as much as I do?  
"When you gonna make up your mind?  
"All the white horses are still in bed."  
I'll tell you that "I'll always want you near...  
"You say that things change,  
"My dear..."_

  
  
  
    "I was never able to gave her the answer, McDohl. I understood the moment Mathiu told me that she was dead, that she died protecting you." Flik's smile became bittersweet. "I was never able to tell her how I felt. I realized that far too late. Far too late..." his voice broke at the point. He closed his eyes, hoping to regain himself. 

    It was a while before McDohl spoke again. "I'm sorry. I... I never knew." 

    Flik opened his eyes to gaze at McDohl without a word, without a readable expression. The dim torchlight from the castle glinted off one of McDohl's earrings, flashing a strange light. Those were her earrings... all that remained of her presence, of her memory. 

    All that remained.   
  


_Hair is gray and the fires are burning,  
So many dreams on the shelf.  
You say I wanted you to be proud..._

  
  
    "She died protecting me," McDohl said quietly. Flik envied the youth's calm demeanor. "I didn't know why, and she couldn't answer me. But one thing was clear. She had placed her trust, her everything in my hands." his fist, the one bearing the Souleater rune upon its back, clenched.   
  


_I always wanted that myself._

  
  
    "I fought not only for those people who suffered under the Scarlet Moon. I fought to honor her sacrifice. I fought in the hopes of making her proud." he raised his runemarked hand to his face, wiping something away from his eyes. "But she isn't here to see that." 

    "You're right," said Flik calmly, resignedly. "She isn't." 

    "You loved her, didn't you?" 

    "Yes… fighting for her cause came second to fighting _for_ her, _with_ her. She didn't want to believe me because she knew that she would die. That's why she was always asking, always seeking that answer… and I was too stupid to realize it. Now, it's too late." 

    The silence came again. The children had long since gone inside, shooed in affectionately by a friendly blonde-haired man with a scar on one cheek. The angel's voice whispered in the breeze as the tinkling laughter faded away for the night.   
  


_When you gonna make up your mind?  
When you gonna love you as much as I do?  
When you gonna make up your mind,  
'Cause things are gonna change so fast.  
All the white horses have gone ahead..._

  
  
    "Jinkou fights to end this war," McDohl mused. "Even with the knowledge that the man he is facing against is someone he had once called his friend, he's fighting. He's fighting to do his sister proud. He's fighting to save this land. He's prepared to make the sacrifice… and he understands what it means." 

    "Unlike how we were." 

    "Yes." 

    "You're wise beyond your years..." 

    "It took someone's sacrifice to gain this understanding. I'm still as foolish as I'll ever be." 

    Flik chuckled, feeling as though a weight that sat upon his chest for years had finally been lifted, if even for a little while. "That makes for the two of us, McDohl. But, now that we're here...   
  


_I'll tell you that I'll always want you near.  
You say that things change, my dear._

  
  
    "We're going to have to make a difference. For her sake, for everyone else's sake... and for our own." 

    The snowflakes stopped falling, if only for the faintest intake of a god's breath. Below, both Flik and McDohl could hear the merrymaking in the castle's tavern; another battle had been won, and the group was celebrating. Soon, one of them would come and seek Flik and McDohl out… perhaps it was time to rejoin the real world. 

    Wordlessly, McDohl hopped off his perch, retrieving his staff. He smiled faintly at his companion, who in turn ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. Not another word was spoken as they left the battlements; no other words were needed. 

    Understanding had come at last. 

    The snowflakes came drifting down again.   
  


_...Never change_

  
  
  


**e n d .**


End file.
